How to help a child?

A child victim of sexual abuse discloses an incident, how can you help?

In order not to influence the child's testimony of the events, it  is recommended to avoid leading questions or pushing too hard for details and to allow the child to speak freely in his/her own words.  Instead, try to jot down everything the child has confided.  Reassure him/her by telling him you believe him/her and that you will help him/her. Do not agree to keep what the child has confided as a secret.

How to help a child who tells:

  • Listen to him/her
  • Believe him/her
  • Do not judge him/her
  • Reassure him/her
  • Stay calm
  • Tell him/her he made the right decision by telling you
  • Let him/her speak freely without intervening
  • Jot down the child's words as soon as possible.
  • Let him/her know he/she is no longer alone and that you will assist him/her in getting help.
  • Listen to him/her. It takes a lot of courage to speak up. Let him use his own words, be patient and do not rush him into confiding.
  • Believe him/her. If he feels that you believe him, he will feel less alone and will start to regain confidence in himself/herself. Tell him that you understand how tough it is to talk about. Do not doubt his words.
  • Do not judge him/her. Remember the victim is never the guilty one: the abuser is. Remind the child that S/HE is the victim even if the abuser has convinced the child that s/he is responsible for the abuse. Your child must feel your love and support.
  • Be reassuring. Parents are the child's best support. Reassure him/her by offering your love and support and by protecting him/her.
  • Stay calm. Disclosure of sexual abuse often provokes emotional reactions. You might feel sad, anxious or angry. Try to remain calm and do not get upset at him/her, this will help him/her feel confident and it may also help him/her open up. Try to control the anger you might be feeling towards the aggressor for, your child might think this anger is directed at him/her. Tell him/her that he was very brave to tell and that you are grateful s/he chose you to confide in.
  • Tell him/her he made the right decision by telling you about it. Disclosure is difficult and demands a lot of courage. Thank the child for his trust and tell him you are there to help him.
  • Let him/her speak freely without Intervening. Children generally have very good memory of precise details. In order not to influence the child's testimony of the events, it is recommended to avoid leading questions or pushing too hard for details and to allow the child to speak freely in his/her own words. Trained professionals will proceed with the investigation.
  • Jot down the child's words as soon as possible. Taking the time to write down the child's story will help ensure nothing has been left out when you file the report with the DYP (Director of Youth Protection) or the Police.
  • Let him/her know that he is no longer alone and that you will assist him in getting help. Tell him/her that you will help him/her get the help s/he needs by taking the necessary steps, and accompanying him/her through the process.

2 steps must be taken after a child discloses:

  • Ensure that necessary measure is taken to avoid the child coming into contact with the offender or alleged offender.
  • Contact the DYP - Director of Youth Protection or the local Police to report the situation.
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